It was interesting to see how a chat between two people can evolve into a stirring discussion. On the verge of it plummeting to a heated exchange.
– How people tend to always speak through emotions speaks volumes to me. In one sense it is a sign of a person’s insecurity. His inability to express and put across his points articulately.
Last night during dinner sparked a beneficial series of exchange of words. I noticed how emotions tend to take hold of a person with untold force and make him deaf, dumb and blind to the other persons views.
Are we such creations who are inseparable to emotions? The answer is, of course not. It is a skill to learn to be able to speak by setting aside emotions and personnel vendettas. At college, i had the good fortune of studying LAW as one of my subjects. Amongst a plethora of subjects we covered criminology to computing law, one of them was how in the court of law. A person’s opinions/evidences are not taken into account if he or she becomes emotional. The judge will specifically ask the defendant to calm down and only carry on giving evidence when his emotions subside. This is done to ensure that the defendant or the plaintiff is fully aware of what he saying. Secondly, it is also to make sure that the evidences are not subjective in any way shape or form. In ways that it will jeopardise the case completely later on. This also ensures that no one/the jury speaks or gives judgemets out of being biased towards an individual in a given case. Simply because they have become emotionally attached to him or her. It avoids many traps and people falling into trepidation
By ’emotional’ I don’t simply mean the usual drama of crying, sobbing and sulkings. Anger and it’s various other faces also falls into this category as well. When a person speaks through his emotions, his judgement is clouded and often times he lives to regret it later on. When we as humans speak through emotions, it is often the case that we are busy talking to ourselves. Formulating ideas and responses which make us not listen to what is being said by the other person. It is rare to find a person who can both listen and hear at the same time. We tend to do one or the other. We either are listening to someone speak or are simply hearing the sound of their voice. Since we are busy talking to ourselves. When someone speaks through his emotions then half of the brain’s ability to think, rationalise and evaluate a situation is lost. Imam ghazali used the example of sexual prowess to explain this. Emotions can in many respects be a tool to destruction for many. Whereas it can be a vital form of expression for others. People who commit crimes later live to experience the consequences of their actions. Which they committed through emotions, either it was because they were angry, sad, depressed etc.
Generally speaking, Muslims are people who tend to do as such. As a result their options/judgement later on come back to haunt them.
The Arab and the Indian sub-continent communities are widely known to be people on the edge. Hence the condition of the respective nations. Our scriptures are full with guidance and advises (naseeha) on how to grow out of this ‘school-yard-boyish‘ type attitudes. Where might is right and ‘thought’ is light. From the luminous examples of the companions, we find how Abu Bakr (ra) was once advised on how to deal with a situation which was causing him distress and harm. In which he choose to respond with similar words to the accuser. Later on, it was the prophet (saw) who turned that episode into a learning curve for the legendary companion. Saying how the angels always protect and speak on behalf of the rightful one.
May Allah continue to bless Syyiduna Abu Bakr (ra) eternally, and increase his stations in paradise. Amin
So, lastly, remember not to speak through your emotions. When your in an conversation or a ‘heated’ discussion, simply let the situation or yourself calm down and then continue. Otherwise the situation will get worse rather than better. And by the end of it all you’ll be hearing is the screams and shouts of the other person or of yourself and no constructive words. Remember a discussion or a chat is not a shouting or screaming competition. Who can scream
the loudest. It is a sign of being civilised and well mannered to be able to converse like humans. Not like cats, dogs or cows, shouting and screaming on top of each others words.